Confessions
by kaihil lover
Summary: "Thank you," she finished, stepping away from the podium; she had done what she had to do. The crowd – which had been holding its breath – finally let go before, it began dispersing into groups to talk. KaiHil


**Warning: Sappiness, OOC-ness and cheesiness. I can't write without these traits, particularly not about death. :P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade, by now, I think everyone should no that!**

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**_Confessions _**

"Thank you," Tala Ivanov finished quietly, with one final glance at the seated crowd and those who were standing outside the burial home. He started making his way back to his seat, just as the cleric walked back to the podium and spoke into the microphone. "Is there anyone who would like to pay their last respects?"

From against the standing crowd, there was a small voice; it sounded hoarse from crying. "I would."

A brown-haired girl in a knee-length black dress made her way between the aisles towards the podium; the clicking of her heels was the only sound in the entire room and it annoyed her. The seated guests eyed her as she made her way past them, some looked sympathetic, others were proud that she had seen the sense to come.

Tala – who was making his way back – paused in his stride for a second, squeezing Hilary's hand as she made her way past him. The brunette flinched at the touch, Tala might have been being sympathetic but his sympathy – along with being at the burial service – was bringing her much in term with the reality she was trying to deny. She felt nauseous and terrible; the eyeing crowd was making her claustrophobic. All she wanted was to leave, get this done with it quickly; she owed him that.

"_Aww, why do you have to leave again?" Hilary pouted, scrunching her nose._

_He chuckled. "I'll get back as soon as possible, Hilary." He leaned over to her and kissed her forehead and then smirked at her. "Make sure to keep Tyson in line; don't want him slacking off while I'm gone."_

"_Yeh," she replied with mock enthusiasm, "a reason to terrorize Tyson."_

"_Leave already!" Tyson shouted from behind the fridge door. "You've been at the door for half an hour!"_

_He smirked again and after giving the girl in front of him a final hug, he exited through the door, pulling his trolley-bag behind him._

_Hilary shut and locked the door soon as she saw Kai disappear into his car. _

_"Took him long enough!" Tyson called out from behind the fridge door again and Hilary just rolled her eyes._

She flinched again at the memories playing in her mind. Click. One. Click. Two. Click. Three. Climbing the three steps that led to the stage, she made her way behind the podium. Her trembling hands adjusted the microphone, before dropping to their sides and balling into fists. She calmed her nerves by reminding herself that it would be over soon.

There was no casket behind her; Kai Hiwatari had been buried in Russia, where he had died. It comforted her; for knowing that he was lying behind her – dead… it would have probably made her faint.

She scanned every crowd member, taking a few moments. Through her hazy eyes, she saw Tyson smiling encouragingly at her, Zeo –whom she hadn't seen in ages – looking at her sympathetically and Tala giving her a stern look – as if telling her to get this right, to pay respects instead of screwing up and regretting it for the rest of her life. She realized that she probably knew everyone else in the burial home as well, but her mind was too blurry to take them in.

Composing her nerves and looking down at the base of the podium – despite there being no paper on it for her to read from but just to avoid the eye of the crowd – Hilary began with the first thought that came in her mind.

"Over the time, being a part of the BBA, I've had to give many eulogies. I honestly do not want to give another one, especially not for someone who was so close to me, but I guess this is just a part of life."

She raised her eyes to see the crowd listening with undivided attention – even those who were standing, who were just there because they wanted to see the funeral of the famous blader were intent to hear her words.

"I'd like to start by apologizing for being so difficult and disagreeable in the last weak since the unfortunate incident, particularly today."

"Kai Hiwatari," she smiled, for what felt like the first time in ages. It was the first time she'd said his name after the incident and it seemed to burn on her tongue, "he was one of my closest friends. I'd known him for six years and I do take pride in the fact that I got to know him better than many others – well, as much as you can know about someone like Kai. "

She suppressed a smile as she remembered that these were the exact words that Kai'd said to her, that she knew him too well.

"I originally didn't trust Kai Hiwatari but as time went on, he proved himself to be the complete opposite of my suspicions. And if someone would have asked a week ago, I'd have told them without a second thought that I'd trust Kai with my life, my secrets….anything."

Her voice stuttered for the first time and she paused to draw a breath.

"Kai was a reserved person, but not so much with his friends. I've seen his humorous side; he could always cheer me up. He cared a lot for his friends, for me. It's hard to imagine him not being here for me anymore. He mattered a lot to me, a lot more than that can be estimated and there is no way I can get over this."

She hadn't planned on attending the occasion, let alone speaking there at the podium, but now that she had, the words just kept coming to her. It felt as if she was venting out the entire turmoil of thoughts she had been caging in her mind.

"He was determined, he was loyal – yes I know what you people are thinking, Kai switched more teams than any blader alive. He might not have been loyal to any team, but he was _always_ loyal to his team mates, and no-one who's had Kai for a team-mate can deny that; _I_ cannot deny that. He had his own goals, his own priorities, I didn't like it but I would never hold a grudge against him for switching teams."

Hilary's felt some annoyance spot her grief, felt it get the best of her – how dared those people raise eyebrows at Kai's loyalty for his team mates? His loyalty towards her?

"He had his dreams, his wishes, and he had a right to switch teams to fulfill them. He replaced his team status, he didn't replace_ me_. He never treated me any different whether he was a Bladebreaker or a Blitzkrieg boy. He was my friend and I was his; that's all that mattered. Competition was okay to him, as long as it didn't come between the friendships."

She looked up to see the Bladebreakers and Blitzkriegs smirking at her.

"He was a huge sour-puss. He was hot-tempered and an ice-block. When he was in one of his 'moods', trying to talk to him would lead to a volley of insults – eventually he would get back to normal, but it would take a lot of convincing." Hilary paused to chuckle. "He was supposed to come back next week," she paused for a second and her shoulders hunched and eye-brows furrowed, her voice turned into a mutter, "which reminds me, have to have his flight cancelled."

Hilary stopped again, feeling a pang in her heart. Drawing a deep breath, she looked up and her eyes widened when they landed on a man in the fifth row. Voltaire. Hilary felt her anger flare and she continued again.

"Kai had a difficult childhood; his parents had to leave him and he grew up in an abbey where his views were quite wrongly developed. He learned the difference between right and wrong on his own, eventually. He did a lot of charity work in Russia, particularly for those who suffered in the tyrannical abbey."

Hilary took a long breath, her throat had already been hoarse from crying, and all this speaking was making it worse. But the outraged looked on Voltaire's face was well-worth it.

"He made a lot of efforts to get his family's international company, Hiwatari Enterprises, on the right track. He didn't want to follow in the footsteps of others of his family and he certainly did not want people to suffer like he had. He might have defied his guardians, but he did the right thing and stood up for what he thought was – what _was_ right."

"I guess it is true what they say; good people die young. He earned himself a lot of enemies in his obstinacy towards doing the right thing. A lot of people wanted him to join them in their wicked plans and even though Kai had the power, the resources, the skills and it would have been the easy way, but he had chosen not to comply. It led to a lot of people's hatred and it – ultimately – led to his demise."

There were a few shocked gasps from the crowd as Hilary stared at everyone with a stony glare, the anger getting the better of her.

"The Russian police are searching for how he ended up dead – I won't be expecting any results; Kai got himself a lot of powerful enemies over the years, powerful and influential; I doubt if they'll get results."

She paused again, knowing that she had begun to pant and that her voice was getting screechy. She could see that Tala and Spencer were looking at her warningly. She had to keep her control from now on.

"An amazing person whom I could always count on, always there for me – damn him, he didn't even care that I couldn't blade. He was supportive when I was unsure and disappointed in myself, he was appreciative and…..it was hard not to fall for him with how much he cared."

Hilary paused closing her eyes, a serene smile on her lips.

"The school-girl crush when I first saw his picture all those years ago, it wasn't hard for it to turn into deep respect and affection when I really got to know the person behind the rude and cold façade. He honestly meant more to me than anyone can ever imagine. It isn't possible to care as much as he did, but I cared for him as close as humanly possible."

Hilary sniffled for the first time since she started speaking and a single tear rolled down. It was time to end her speech before she broke down right there; she needed to get away from the place and all the memories, the regrets, the resentments, the what-ifs as fast as possible.

"Kai trained harder than any blader I know, he was devoted to the game of blading more than anyone else– despite what the records of the BBA say," Hilary's voice was stern once again, her breath hitched in her throat, and she cast an apologetic look towards Tyson, who's eyes showed that he would not be offended by what he knew she was about to say, "Kai Hiwatari will always be the greatest beyblader to me."

"Thank you," she finished, stepping away from the podium; she had done what she _had _to do. The crowd – which had been holding its breath – finally let go before, it began dispersing into groups to talk.

Voltaire was almost glaring at her, his eyes free of any single ounce of remorse or guilt that for the crime that he had committed; Hilary could feel them following her, despite keeping her head carefully down, as she made her way down the steps and towards her friends for the first time in weeks.

As she walked, she passed her parents –they'd decided to extend their visit to town and pay respect to their daughter's friends; they made no attempt to get her attention. Her eyes unconsciously fell on Voltaire and her legs felt weak at the sight of him leaning against his seat, awaiting her so he could talk to her. She had had the misfortune of meeting Voltaire only twice before, and neither times she had had to speak to him directly.

She made her way to the row in front of Voltaire's, pointedly not looking at either side, hoping that she'd be able to walk over to her friends.

"Miss Tachibana," Voltaire called out stiffly.

At the sound of her name, she pursed her lips and looked up, trying to keep herself composed. "Yes," her voice turned out to be harsher than she would have hoped for.

"I'd like to convey my regards to all of my grandson's friends, particularly you, for the loss you've suffered."

Enforced… Triumphant…Mocking… His voice sounded anything, but sympathetic.

Hilary swallowed the bile piling up in her mouth. Carefully keeping her voice under control and trying not to be disrespectful, Hilary mumbled, "Thank you, that's very considerate of you." The apathy and lack of any gratitude whatsoever was evident in her tone.

"If there's anything I could do –" Voltaire said in a mock empathetic voice, the smirk on his face evident.

Unable to take anymore of the false concern and false remorse, she cut in, "There is nothing – nothing you can do. Nothing anyone can do. You've done _all _you could."

Voltaire raised an eyebrow and his voice got stiff and courteous again. "I'd like to apologize for that. I wish you the best of my regards for your life; I'm sure my grandson, I'm sure _Kai, _would never want you to suffer."

Hilary winced when Voltaire used Kai's name. Rage build up inside her. Tears, that she'd been trying hard to control, blinded her vision. How dare he? How dare he disgrace Kai's memory by speaking of him with such false concern?

She had to leave; she couldn't give this inhumane man the satisfaction of having broken her.

"I'd sympathize for you and convey my apologies," She said bitterly, her voice somehow luckily, not giving her away, "But there's no point doing it for someone who didn't suffer any loss – who doesn't give a damn."

Voltaire's eyes widened and his nostrils flared in shock, anger and indignation. Before he could utter a syllable, Hilary muttered a formal, "goodbye," and began to proceed down the aisle towards where her friends were waiting, ready to embrace her.

"Hils," Ray said extending his arms forward, the girl got closer and the neko-jin wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so glad that you decided to come."

"We were beginning to really worry about you," Mariah added with concern, patting the Bladebreaker coach's back.

Hilary sniffed and pulled away from Ray, she looked at the rest of her friends. "I'm so sorry, guys," she sniveled.

"It's alright, Hils, it's alright," Daichi said in an uncharacteristically comforting voice, rubbing Hilary's hand.

"Sorry Tyson," she repeated looking at Tyson, who was talking quietly –and by the looks of it was having an argument – with Hiro. The champion turned to look at her with lazy eyes.

"Hils!" He moaned leaving Hiro and making his way over to his classmate. He wrapped his arm around her in a hug and breathed, "I am so sorry, Hils, for everything! Even for making Kai hurry to leave, that night."

"It's not anyone's fault," Hilary sniffled.

"And you have no need to apologize." Tyson soothed still rubbing her back.

Hilary just sniffed in response.

"You always were a sucker for the underdog," Tyson whispered in her ear with a grin. Hilary gave a weak smile at which Tyson chuckled then continued in a more serious tone. "Hey! No need to worry about me. I always knew you preferred him as a blader, you always did cheer for him more. And you two _did _have a special bond."

Hilary managed to roll her eyes.

"Yeah," she said feebly, "I always did really like his blading. The way he trained, his determination – I really, really loved him, Tyson." She broke down at the last sentence and tackled his chest, sobbing uncontrollably into his shirt.

He wrapped one hand around her waist and patted her back and used the other to stroke her hair, murmuring words of comfort the whole time.

"Hilary," Mariah whined making her way over to the two Bladebreakers. "Come on! Please, old sourpuss wouldn't have wanted you to cry." She pried the brunette away from Tyson and made her face all of them.

Hilary looked up at her friends with her tear-stained face and red-eyes that matched her irises. She bit her lips to try to stop the tears, but they just kept coming.

"There, there, sweetie," Mariah cooed, squeezing her arm gently. "It's all going to be alright."

Hilary's eyes widened as she chocked on her own sobs and drew a sharp breath to get air into her lungs. Ray rubbed her back gently to get her breathing back to normal. She sniffed loudly and, wiping her tears with her hands, she rasped out, "I'm so sorry guys, but –" She choked again as tears started spilling from her eyes and she had to stop in her words.

"Hilary," Tala began sternly, "give it time, things will get better. Kai'd want you – want all of us— to be happy. You don't want him coming back to haunt you, do you?"

The maroon-eyed girl nodded absently as she blew her nose into Kenny's handkerchief. Tala sighed, knowing it was useless to speak to her right then; nothing would make her see sense and nothing would be able to help her.

"Come on," Max said, gently taking her by the arm. "Let's take you back to the dojo."

Hilary nodded again, obliging as Max and Mariam helped her out of the burial house through the crowd of unknown fans who had shown up; the rest of the bladers followed them.

Her entire concentration was on her crying and blowing her nose in the hankie. Speaking at the podium, giving the eulogy…it had been too much for her; it had made her live everything all over again. Her thoughts were wrapped around Kai, his words echoed in her mind right along with her recent conversation with Voltaire; all these notions made her hysteric sobs even more violent, and to try and make sense of her surroundings was becoming harder by the second.

She knew, they all knew, it would be quite a while before she'd get recover even slightly. For now, all she wanted to do was get back to the dojo, to get away from everyone and their sympathies, from everyone pretending to understand how she felt, from everyone telling her things would be alright when they just couldn't be… all she wanted to do was to be alone with her misery.

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**Ah, quarter of a century. :P My 25th fic. *grins* See, back in October, I was in the mood to read Snape fics, I wanted to read a good eulogy or obituary for Snape, tragically there were only a few out there, to my surprise, c'mon, Harry Potter is the biggest fandom -.- Any ways I decided to write one for him, but not being that into HP, and never having read many fics, I couldn't come up with much. I decided then to kill Kai, and let Hilary give the eulogy. xD I like this much better. **

**When I started writing, I couldn't come up with much. But I started watching _The Secret Life of the American Teenager, _lol, I know lame, saw it after two years. Haha, it inspired me into writing. I actually enjoyed watching it again. **

**Thank you to _Dead-by-now_ for beta-ing this. xD**

**Pretty please review, pretty please with KaiHil-ness on top. :P**

**PS: The many eulogies that she's had to give in my mind are Wyatt, Monica, T.T and wait for it, Ming Ming! xD In my mind, Ming Ming is dead. *dances* Okay, that was mean. :P For the sake of the fic let's just imagine, shall we... :P**

**PPS: If you didn't guess, Voltaire got Kai killed, that's why all the resentment towards him from Hils. :(**

**01:05, 9th June 2012.**


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